When Raindrops Fall Heavy On My Shoulders

I can’t complain! I shan’t sit here in all the world looking sorry and irritable. Being stuck at home in this dreadful weather? I thirst for that Jose Cuervo a friend promised me early today, that date I was keeping secret (whoops!) and looking forward to all week. No! I will not sulk and pout like a brat because my plans for the day went awry. I refuse to succumb to such childish temperaments.

It’s cold, it’s pouring, and unless I want to get sick, I can’t very well go out and walk or play fetch with my dog. Since I can’t wield changes to the weather, there’s not much I can do about it.

I skipped the need for a third cup of coffee, flipped through the channels and instead decided to watch CNN. All the while feeling I didn’t have any choice with today’s activities. NO CHOICE. Na-da! Stuck in my room, endlessly brooding – even Facebook, Pinterest and my few unread books left me no interest. Home, bored, frustrated. Did I mention bored? Yes. B-O-R-E-D!

As I continue to brood while watching the news, I started feeling guilty. A few more minutes of watching and my earlier attitude gnawed on me. Horrified at what I’ve seen. I don’t have any right to be grumpy! Not when people were running for their lives a few hours ago from a mass shooting in the United States. They went in for entertainment, but came out clutching fear in their hearts. Even if I just imagined it, I shivered at the thought of being in that theater.

When other parts of our country is currently under water that constantly bring reminder to those already traumatized by the tragedy brought about by Typhoon Ondoy (2009); when  the rain deprived those who want to sleep in their homes but find their beds afloat – I put my petty thoughts aside.

I can’t continue playing the victim just for reasons that I can’t go out, especially when some people out there might not have a blanket or a bed to sleep in! Nor complain about my dog unable to go out and play when some stray animals might be scavenging for food in the streets right this minute. And, when just a few minutes ago, a friend just admitted that she is in the darkest moments of her life. I fear for her and the choices she might make.

When lives are lost; When drops of rain along with their tears stain the cheeks of some, and familiar smile vanish; When worry eat the heart out of good people I know – I’m ashamed of myself and my selfish complaints. I have it easy. Why then do I complain? Yes! “Crazy-changing-weather”, you just turned me into some “biatch”. It’s raining outside, but I feel that even if I’m safe inside, the rainfalls heavy on my shoulder.

Here and now I will change my perspective. I did have a choice!  I choose to change my attitude. I choose to stay positive.

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.  –Isak Dinesen

Advertisements