Paulo Coelho quoted, “Life is short. There is no time to leave important words unsaid.” He is right in his wisdom that often we find it too late to say what we long to say to people in our lives, and even the people who are no longer in it. Majority of us wait, and let fear take its hold on us. Pride gets in the way. We become proud, and in the end, we feel sorry for not being given the time and chance to show sentiments.
I would often hear friends cry out, “Too late. It’s too late to do anything!” How many do we know reached the end of their journey, breathed their last, and closed their eyes not able to do or say what was truly in their hearts? We may not know many, but often we are given examples in movies, novels and simply by observing the lives of others around us. Regret, to some is not a distant feeling.
I would not wish the same fate, but I don’t always have the courage to speak what my heart really desire. I often find it hard to lay down my defenses and put down my wall. Yet, if today was my last life (no scratch that), even if it wasn’t, my heart have only but one person in my past it would like to make peace with. I always feel like it’s an unfinished business only because I parted with him bitterly.
And in the smallest possible chance that he might stumble upon this (I highly doubt it. So friends rest assured and stop rolling your eyes), I would want him to know that:
I am sorry.
For all those years building friendship but lost it. For expectations that left disappointments. For broken promises and trust. For finding flaws, judging, and blaming – I forgot my own faults. For wanting a love more deeply – more than the love shown – I disappointed myself. For failing to appreciate the little efforts made. For having your heart, but crushed it. The chance for softer words, but left the harshest. For having hurt you..
For giving up so easily. For not having the strength to fight for it. For looking elsewhere and loving someone else. For hurting me…
I forgive you.
For wondering how you are now, and hoping you are happy too.
I’ve missed you.
For all those years together. For every memory.
Such words albeit mushy lives me with a satisfied heart and a happy smile, for my “unsaid” now finally said. (Or in such case, written and published to my heart’s content.)