Everyday I hold emotions in check. Outwardly in control, but inside a repressed thought. I kept veering from anger, to acceptance, and back at being angry again. I know it’s been a while, but I’ve only succeeded in masking the pain.
I put on my best smile, even as my eyes reveal what my heart seem to hide – that my confidence is just a facade and inside is a weakness evident by my tears and silent yearnings…
It’s having so much to give but couldn’t. It’s wanting to show what can no longer be shown. It’s wanting to feel what can never be felt again. And , much as I would like to pick up the broken pieces, I couldn’t seem to. Those pieces are memories and broken promises.
It cuts further deep.
Nothing really is constant, not everyone can stay, not everyone can try. Sometimes what we think is their best, isn’t their best after all. We only get to realize when we are no longer blinded. Sometimes it’s so easy to overlook what truth is in front of us for fear of losing what you so love and cherish.
We go through pain in different phases, with different situations, and from different people. Hurt would subside. And, when we think we’ve recovered, we hurt again. In those bout of pain and loss, we ask ourselves how to start again. We encourage ourselves to face tomorrow without any regret. Though deep within the recesses of our hearts, we silently, undeniably long for memories of yesterday.
How do you shape anger to happiness, longing to contentment and tears to genuine smiles?
Then saying good-bye? That’s the hardest thing!
As I sketch life’s pavement towards forgiveness and letting go, I pray and seek for the Hand that will constantly guide me. I know I can’t re-write nor erase the past, but I can always trace new beginnings. And hopefully, a better future.